Sunday, December 6, 2009

So this is what has been going on in my life.

This post is mainly just what has been going on in my life and some of the things I am figuring out along the way.  Blogging has basically been the very last thing on the list of things I could be doing so I don't post much.  But then again I don't know how many people actually care whether I post or not (I have no idea who reads this...BUT if you want to tell me then cool).

My life has consisted of a lot or reading and writing.
Reading for fun. A little bit of reading for school.
Writing like crazy because I love it. And writing essays for school.

Lots of homework and you can see.

In my spare time I have been writing, drawing/sketching pictures (I'm not very good though), reading, playing music, attempting to write music, and making things out of clay.  You know just random fun stuff. 

 Lately, one of the biggest things I have been doing.
Is trying to figure out what to do with my life.
...and I've got nothing.
Nothing but frustration and stress.
All because of this trapped feeling.
The feeling that I have to pick this one thing to do for the rest of my life.
I want to pick something that I am passionate about and can enjoy.
...and again I've got nothing.
So that is the stress in my life.

Moving on to the point of this post.
(I like to think there is always a point, but it normally ends up not being there)

The rest of my life is a blank page.
I can draw any picture.
I can write any poem.
The possibilities are endless.
There is no limit.
This is the beginning of who I can become.
But there is this one HUGE problem.
It's not that I am not motivated.
It's not that I am clueless.
It's the idea of not being happy.
Not doing the right thing.
It's FEAR.

I realize that every thing I do now has an affect on my future.
Transferring to a different college.
What college to transfer to.
Who I meet.
What I study....and on and on.
I know that everything I do will mold my future.
And that scares me.

So what are you afraid of?
What to do with...
The rest of your life?
A friendship?
A relationship?
A class?
A school?


Something I always seem to forget. 
Is that life is happening right now.
You can't stop it.
You can't slow it down.
There is nothing you can do but keep on going. 
Life is the most fragile thing we have.
Giving up is only letting yourself down.

For awhile I just stopped trying.
Giving up is the wrong thing to do.
We have one life.
It would be terrible to waste it with fear.
It is harder now that I realize it.
But I have to keep going on.

 So the point is...

Don't give up.
Don't be afraid.
Keep trying.
Stay strong.
Right here, right now.
This is your life.
What are you going to do with it?

~Janey Lu

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