Monday, December 28, 2009

Random blog post!

If you know me then you probably know that I am random and I tend to be strange.  

If you don't know me...well I am the kind of person who will have a conversation with someone and imagine the whole thing as a scene in a movie.  Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with poetry or a song in my head and I have to get up to write it down.  I don't always sleep well at night so I sleep in late most of the time....I like to think that it is because at night my creativity is flowing more than it does in any other part of the day so I don't want to waste it!  I over analyze... well EVERYTHING...but that is just how I am.

Basically as a person sometimes I think I can be pretty shallow, and other times I am so deep I will probably drown you.  In other words... If people were pools you wouldn't want me in your back yard.  

Basically I am saying all of this to make sure everyone understands my randomness.

Every day we all look at ourselves in the mirror.
Well today I looked in the mirror, and I couldn't just walk away.
I leaned in closer to get a better look and I couldn't help myself...I started to touch my face.  My forehead, eyebrows, cheeks...
I started making faces in the mirror...smiling, frowning, raising my eyebrows winking at myself...etc...just the regular stuff..
And I couldn't help but imagine myself with wrinkles.
What my face would look like if I had aged a few decades as I stood right in front of that mirror.  

I wondered if I would have smile lines.  Or if I would have wrinkles that young kids would look at and assume that I was angry or unhappy.

Then I started thinking about time. What if I let time slip through my fingers.
What if I let all of my dreams fade away because I am expected to be like everyone else.
To be honest I absolutely hate the idea of living a "normal" life. (No offense to those of you who are living it) 
The idea of going to college to get a job that I will hate...then get married...have kids...and live in a nice little house...where I have a little garden to take care of just doesn't appeal to me...(and who knows maybe my mind will change about this whole thing in the next 4 years) 
I hate the idea of reciting the words "I love you" to my husband and kids like it is nothing. I hate the idea of falling into a mindless routine....this is a very negative side of what is considered normal....It is the right life for some people. ( offense)

But I see it so often.  The families that look perfect.  
You know the mom smiles at everyone, but yells at her daughter to be "respectful"...emotionless always do what is "right" no questions asked....that mom never knew her daughter skips lunch everyday...or that she cries herself to sleep every night.

The dad that is convinced that the smile he see's on his son's face is genuine that his dreams are the same dreams his son has...that dad never realized that in his son's drawer is a blood stained knife.

The sister who has a younger sibling who worships her, but she swears at her left and right even thought she is her own flesh and blood

.... I could go on and on... stories that I have really seen.

I hate the idea of living a fake life.  A life that is simply modeled for everyone else to look at.
Guess what! Life isn't perfect.  

As I looked in the mirror the reflection at I saw was a person. One unique person who is an individual.  No one is the same as me.   I have dreams, passion, and time.  I shouldn't waste it on being like everyone else.  Maybe this is too anti conformity...but really.

I don't want to fall into the routine of living.
I don't want to just get by.
I want to live my dreams.
Be who I am.
And be able to look in the mirror years from now an see those wrinkles and think.
I lived my life to the fullest.
None of these wrinkles are mistakes.
I lived every second and everyday achieving my dreams.

Step out of the stereotypical life.
Take a chance.
Don't let everyone else dominate who you can be.
Follow your dreams. 
They are the only thing that is still clear when your eyes are closed.
Be who you are.

Take a look in the mirror.
What do you see?

~Janey Lu

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