Random talking...

There was a time when I thought that the idea of "finding yourself" was stupid.
I heard of stories of people I knew breaking up with their boyfriends...
so they had to go and "find themself". 
Someone I know actually left home and flew here to Michigan...from a way far away state.  
All because she had to "find herself". 
The truth is...I don't think she ever did.

The idea of doing this always seemed completely idiotic to me. 
Because how do you lose yourself in the first place?

I recently realized it is completely possible to "lose" yourself.
I think that it happens when you change for a person.

A person who should never have the power to change you.
Sometimes it is just happens.
And it isn't always a bad thing.

But other times the result of a person or anything kind of creates a monster.
The change is more disguised, but it can be terrible.
Sometimes we lose ourselves because we don't want to hold on to who we are anymore.



There are so many people in the world.
The only problem is...
It is nearly impossible to find someone who is perfect.
Someone who...

Treats us how we want to be treated.
Or even need to be treated.
Knows how to fix every problem.
Knows exactly what to say.
Knows exactly when we need to be help.
Knows when an apology is needed.
Understands that pain doesn't go away easily.
Someone patient and caring.
Someone who knows you are wrong but will take your side at any cost.
You know what I am talking about.
The perfect friend.
Maybe even a perfect soul mate.
Someone who is everything we need and more.


It really is easy to get caught up in expectations.
Maybe trying to change in order to make other people happy.
Or maybe changing because someone else didn't reach your expectations.

Not a lot of this makes sense.
And I guess I wouldn't want it to because there is a lot to it.
It is a little bit much to share with cyperspace.
...I might murder some paper with a pen later.

Basically I haven't lost myself.
There are just pieces that need to be found.



~Janey Lu