Time is something that is constantly on my mind. It sits on the walls of this house. It rests on my wrist. I hold it in my pocket. When I get to school I look to the wall to find it.
It has it's way of controlling me.
In the morning I wake up because of it. When I am on my way to class it makes me run.
Time is honestly one of my biggest fears. I live by it and it controls me.
Searching.I hate looking for things.
I have a big problem with losing things.
I constantly get lost when I am going places.
Which means that I am constantly searching.
At this age apparently I should be looking for someone?(At least that's what people say. I beg to differ)
But that isn't all. I am not only searching for physical things.
I have this ongoing quest to find what I need to do with my life.
This endless journey of becoming who I should be.
A need to find some sort of meaning and reason for existing.
Why do I fear time when it is just falling through my fingertips?
Why do I search for meaning when living should mean everything?
I try to search for all of these things, but I end up being idle.
Doing nothing. Which is even worse.
Because I am simply fading away with time.
I realized something today.
I don't have to know everything right now.
It is important to appreciate the little things in life.
Things like hot cocoa in my Santa Claus mug.
Playing in the snow in shorts.
And looking at the beauty that surrounds us.
Today I was dropping off a job application and the place I was going to wasn't opened yet. I ended up waiting outside for a little while with 2 really nice ladies. I asked them what they were getting and stuff...they were both buying stuff for their kids. They asked what I was getting I told them that I have been trying to get a job and was dropping off an application. They were really nice and wished me the best. After we talked for awhile we got in and I handed in my application. As I was walking to the door one of the ladies stopped me and gave me this huge encouraging smile and said, "Good luck to you!".
It was the simplest 4 words, but they made my entire day because of the sincerity behind them. Needless to say...talking to strangers seems to be the biggest encouragement in my life lately.
I feel like God has been putting new, random people and some old friends in my life to give me some direction and encouragement. God it good.
Don't forget to appreciate the little things in life!